I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
whose parrot is this?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
