No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
