I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
