Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
vagina is talking i cant
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
