About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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