wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
