They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
