Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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