omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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