You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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