If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
