omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
