what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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