i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
