Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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