So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
