Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
NoShamevember. You game?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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