We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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