I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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