it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
