I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
