I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
