Umm I'm too high to move.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
