He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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