4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
