Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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