operation have a gay friend backfired
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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