mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
