in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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