im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This baby is an asshole
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
