Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
