i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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