hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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