Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
