if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
