who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
