i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
