Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
