OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
