my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
