i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Boobs speak an international language.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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