Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
