I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
