i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
