I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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