the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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