I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
