You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
