pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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