it hurts more in the daytime
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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