shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
