Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
