I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
