Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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