??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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